Dear Stephen
I am recently divorced 32 with a 4 year old little girl, I have started dating again and I have met this man who seems to be everything I want. He is kind and generous and makes me feel wonderful. I really don’t want to mess this up so my question is, when should I sleep with him?
I am feeling the pressure (not from him from myself) after each date it’s been 4 weeks now and I am worried that if I don’t sleep with him I will lose him and if I do sleep with him I will lose him.
What should I do?
Samantha
Dear Samantha
Thank you for taking the time to write.
You are right to wait because you need to know more about this potential partner before you get too emotional involved. When a woman sleeps with a man this is a big step for her packed full of emotions.
If he is serious about wanting you as a long term partner then he will wait for you to be ready and sure he is all you really want.
The key is to respect yourself, let him know how much you like him, but be honest with him that you need to feel that shared commitment from him before you are willing to go there.
In most cases women who sleep with men too early will be disappointed as most men will not call again. How long should you wait? Of course this is individual to what time frame feels right to you, but I would say 6 weeks minimum. If he gets fed up of waiting then sex was all he wanted and all you have lost is a casual encounter.
Get to know him better!
You will need to understand his core values by which he lives his life particularly in the context of relationships. Ask to meet his friend s and family so you can build a clear picture of what he is about. You also want to know that his primary goal is to help you to feel great about you.
Your daughter will be you biggest priority here, taking on someones children is not to be taken lightly as they are very easily influenced and affected by changes at home and in your emotion health.
The key to a great relationship is to find someone who wants to give to you, not take from you. Someone who’s primary goal is your happiness.
Keep in touch and let me know how you get on…
Stephen
Stephen Hedger is the relationship coach on this site.
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